Anniversary project

Anniversary project

Her heart skipped a beat as she thought she had recognized him. It had been months since she had come back. Months since she tried to bury deep in her heart all the feelings Noctis had awakened inside her. She had managed to save Serah. Made a few new friends. But now, Hope was back with his father, Snow was taking all Serah's time, Sazh was a father once again and both Fang and Vanille were lost. As for Cocoon, it had changed. Lightning still had her house, but it didn't feel the same. Or maybe was it the problem. It was just as before. As if nothing had happened. As if her meeting Noctis had only been a dream.

But she remembered his eyes. His smiles. His laugh. His back. She started to run after him. Many people were walking among the streets. Life had come back to normal and Cocoon was still a place where they lived, even if it had fallen in the middle of Pulse. Lightning was back at being a soldier for the guardian corps. She had been watching over circulation, making sure no fight started up. It hadn't been easy, since she had been wanted killed as a l'cie, but slowly, people were learning. Truth had won over lies and Barthandelus mischievous doings were over. Lightning had earned a new respect. And still, people couldn't act casually with her. She had been one of those who had saved the world. She was different. Plus, she was so cold. Who would want to know her better?

Lightning tried to remain without friends. She couldn't move on. Noctis was still so vivid in her memory. Now that Serah was saved, she could miss him. And it hurt. It hurt so much, she had to run when she believe that she'd spotted him.

She hadn't been able to see his face. Only his profile. He had the same nose, same hair. The same clothes. No one else was dressed like that around here. So it had to be him. She wanted it to be him, darn it! So, as he started walking away, heading for a street around the corner, she forgot about her duty. How many nights had she fallen asleep crying, when she couldn't hold it inside anymore? Now many times had she dreamed that he was here, walking on Cocoon's grounds, showing up just like that, with a smile in his face? How many dreadful mornings did she wake alone, realizing that the dream was just a dream?
Noctis, she thought.

She couldn't yell his name. She had been mistaken twice already. Had imagine that he was there. Her mind was starting to play tricks on her. She hated herself for being so weak. But how could she find him otherwise? There wasn't any time or space magic like the one he could use in Cocoon or in Pulse. She wasn't a l'cie anymore, she had no power left to try and find a way back to his world. And she didn't want to go back. It would be admitting that she needed him. And she didn't want to admit her weakness. Though her pain was growing stronger and much more painful with every new day.

So she ran after the stranger. Well, at first, she tried to walk, because she didn't want to scare him. He hadn't noticed her. Around the corner of the streets, she finally reached him, her hand falling on his shoulder and pulling him back, back to her.

"Noctis," she whispered, before that the stranger turned around, puzzled.

He had brown eyes. She removed her hand from him and froze there, realizing it was just another mistake.

"May I... help you, miss?" he asked.

He was older too, dammit! How could she let her hopes up and believe that Noctis would come here if he hadn't had a good reason? But wasn't her being here at least one good reason?

"I'm... I'm sorry," she replied, trying to cover up the despair in her voice. "I took you for someone else."

"Sure hope you'll find him, miss." The man answered, before to walk away.

Lightning was ready to slap herself. But then, she felt a firm grip on her right arm and someone pulling her around.

"Gotcha." A voice said.

She couldn't believe it. Couldn't recognize it immediately. But it was him. Her dark prince. His face was as pale as ever, his blue eyes smiling and beaming from joy as he was standing there, in front of her. Her heart crumbled to pieces, before to patch itself up and jump from anger in her chest. He was really here! She was half comforted, half mad. And since her voice was gone from the shock, he chuckled.

"Were you looking for me, Light?"

Was he laughing of her, showing up just like that, without any warning?! She wanted to slap him now.

"Of course not!" she retorted.

He blinked and realized that being arrogant wouldn't be the best way to approach her. But it was such a habit to hide his shyness by being blunt.

"Well, I was looking for you." He whispered. "I thought I could take a chance and try coming out here. At least, you haven't forgotten me." He smiled.

Her heart sank down in her chest. How could she forget him? He was her first love. The first man who had helped her starting to think and to worry about herself. She didn't like the idea he had made her selfish, but in fact, he had just tried to help her living her life for herself instead of compensating through her sister's doing and welfare.

"You're here... for me?"

She was surprised. How could he, the great prince of Lucis, find any time to wonder off to her world, if it wasn't for some political or financial question? Could he really travel this far just to see her again?

"You'd think I come for anyone else? You're the only person I know here."

A thousand of questions popped up in her mind as she understood this could be real. At the same time, she was scared to close her eyes and reopen them to see that she was sleeping in her bed and just dreaming, again. Her dreams had been pretty realistic. And Noctis was always in each of them. And he always disappeared from them. But the questions were stronger than her doubts and fears. Why had he waited so long to show up? Or was it the first time he came to her Cocoon since her departure? Had he been alright, had he missed her? How had he found her? What had he been doing during all this time?

"Are you... for real?"

She pinched his cheek, just to make sure, which made him yelp from the slight pain.

"Oh come on, you don't feel my hand?" he asked her, stroking her arm.

He was quite shaken himself to finally be able to see her, but he didn't know what to say. He wanted to kiss her right there, in the middle of the streets. Because nothing had changed in his heart. Because he HAD missed her in a way she could never imagine. Because he felt alive now that he was next to her, as he'd never felt when she was away. But there were too many words in his throat and he was afraid that if he tried to let them all out, they would melt together and sound awful in the end.

She closed her beautiful eyes, shivering at his touch. Noctis wondered if it meant that they're had been no one else in her life after him. Had any guy tried to take his place? Was there still the same hole in her heart, which only he could fill up? Even if he had wished her good, even if he had wanted her to be happy, he had also wanted her to suffer like him, also wanted her to miss him as he'd missed her. And now, he wanted to hear it from her, but he couldn't dare to ask. It would sound so selfish. And he was better than that also. He could keep his darker feelings to himself, to let out only the peaceful and gentle ones.

"What are you two doing in the middle of the streets, spacing out like that !? Get a move on! People are trying to walk around here!" a man yelled at them.

They suddenly remembered that they were standing in the middle of the streets. Lightning realized that Noctis surely had never gotten the chance to be this anonymous before. And suddenly, he looked around, seeming lost. She took his hand and guided him back to the sidewalk.

"Light..."

"Why are you here, seriously?"

"I... Why are you asking the questions here?"

He felt defensive, because he still wasn't sure. He wanted to know that nothing had changed between them, but she had changed. She looked paler. And he remembered how he had hurt her before that she left. He wondered what she remembered the more. The hurt or the love between them? He couldn't confess anything. He had no idea where this would lead him. Had no idea how long he could stay. And he was scared. He hadn't made all his way to be rejected. But he still knew that it was quite possible.

"Noctis... It's almost been a year. You have no idea what I've been through during this year. And you just pop up from nowhere and I'm supposed to greet you with arms wide open? What am I supposed to expect from you? Oh no wait, it's the other way around, what are you expecting from me?"

He felt bad. Of course she would doubt his reason to come. Of course, she would wonder why it would have taken him so long, of course, she would have moved on. She was stronger than him. She wouldn't remain in the past for twelve whole months. She had other things to do. Or did she? Was she just testing him? He wanted to read through her sad eyes. He wanted to know everything she was feeling before to open up. So that it wouldn't hurt as much.

"How about a hi? We parted as if we could never see each other again, we never talked about... after you'd saved your sister. We hadn't the time, I guess, but... Aww, forget it. How about your sister?"

"She's saved." She replied.

So he cared only about his sister too? She shook her head. Of course he would care, if he cared about her.

"That's some good news. But you look down and tired. It wasn't an easy rescue, was it?"

"How could you know..."

"So I'm the bad guy in this?"

"If you hadn't barge into my life and kidnap me from the start..." She paused, biting her lower lip. "Forget what I said. I don't resent you anymore for that. It's just... How can I be happy to see you, when I know that you'll have to run back to your world? You're popping out of nowhere and I should get all glad that you're here?"

Noctis had to admit, she had a point. Their situation wasn't much more brilliant then when they left off. They kept on walking together, keeping their distances though, as if they had gotten too close too quickly.

"If I told you I had abdicated the throne?"

"I would slap you." She retorted coldly.

"Won't you do it anyway?"

She looked at him, frowning.

"And why would I do that?"

"Cause I'm here now, without a warning. And because I popped into and outside of your life, forcing you to lose control over everything. I know it's unfair. I know we weren't ready. Or maybe we were. Maybe we were meant to meet when we met. I learned a lot from you, you know."

He grabbed her hand as he said that and her heart jumped from both joy and fear. Lightning felt really touched by this last comment. It was the truth. She had changed him. But he had already been like he was now. He just used to hide it more.

"I'm happy to see you, you know. But I wonder... how any relationship between us could turn. We're not... Why am I even wondering about that? It's out of the question... You're a prince and I'm... What are you even doing here?! You sure you don't have anything better than seeing me that was already planned by your councillors or..."

"Lightning, don't say things like that. I'm here because I was worried about you!
Alright, this ain't my world, and... this is your life and I have no right over it, but I couldn't keep on living like that. Knowing you were out here, risking your life, not even knowing if you were still alive. Not knowing anything about you, when you're the only thing I really care about."

She was already melting. How could he be so honest and sweet when she needed him to be cold and nasty, so that she would be able to push him away, back to his own world?

"We can't be together." She sighed.

"I'm here now, ain't I?"

Was I running away all this time? Wasn't running away from him the only solution I ever had? Lightning thought.

She felt so fragile inside. So in need of protection. And he wanted to protect her. She could see it. She felt his arm wrapping around her shoulders. Here, he could even do that. He could show his affection, if this was affection, out in the open, without any fear. Nobody knew him. She realized she herself didn't know him all that much. If she forgot about that last night that they'd spent together... But she couldn't forget.

"How long will you be here? For a few months, like me in your world? Can you even stay here for more than a day?"

Noctis bit his tongue not to get angry at her. Why did she have to keep on remembering him about all that? He knew already. He had come despite everything. He had to come. Had to see her again. Even if it was for the last time. He didn't want it to be the last time. He wanted to hold her in his arms, to hold her forever more. To forget all the rest, duties, his life, his people, his world.

"As long as it takes," he heard himself saying, not too sure of what he meant.

She blinked as she looked up at him. As long as it took, but for what?

"What are you planning, Noctis?"

She was too nervous, too anxious, too offensive. He had to calm her down. His only way to do that was to play it fair. And though he knew this would be egoist just to ask to know if she had waited for him all this time, since it sounded clearer and clearer with every questions she asked him, he had to try.

"Nothing. I just wanted to see you. To talk. To tell you how I'd missed you."

Lightning's heart stopped at that. So he had missed her. They were close to the beach now. The sun was setting down. The view was wonderful. She wanted to hide in all the light. Instead, she snaked one arm around his waist. Led him down the stairs and to the beach. They sat on the sand, in silence, their shoulders brushing together.

"I missed you too," she sighed after waiting a long time, hoping that it would prevent her voice from shaking.

He hardly gulped down. He felt so bad for putting her through that. And at the same time, he was glad, so glad. Human nature sure was something peculiar. He held her tighter, trying to bring her closer to him, but she stopped him, putting her hands on his chest.

"First, Noctis, I gotta know. Was there anyone else while I was gone? Did you give yourself the right to be happy?"

"No. At least, not in love. Because you were gone with my heart. There was no place left for anyone. And I may sound cheesy, but... There's no woman in my world or in this one that could compare to you or steal the place you've taken."

He gently grabbed her hand and kissed her fingers. And she realized his hands were slightly trembling. The courage she was asking from him, to tell her that. The courage he had, to have been faithful through this whole year. She blinked. It was hard to believe. And then again, the look in his eyes was so straight, so sweet. He couldn't lie to her. Not even after all the time that had passed.

"But you're supposed..."

"Shhh." He quieted her down. "I act as I will. I love who I want. And I love you, Light."

He wanted her to say the same things, he wanted her to be honest in turn, to stop hiding
behind her fears and her questions. But she couldn't talk. It was the first time he'd ever say... She was getting all soft inside, all moved and confused. And at the same time, it was getting all clear.

"Oh Noctis, if you knew how I'd missed you!" she whispered, throwing herself in his arms.

She had no need to say more. He knew for sure right then that she had been as loyal as him. And since she trembled in his arms, he could tell all that had happened to her hadn't been easy. And how he wished he could have been there! How he wished he could have the nerve to go right after sending her back and that he'd find her and helped her in rescuing her sister. How he still wished that he could be there for her, now and always. But life was harsh and unfair. So he held her, without a word. The wind blew on them and they shivered, but not from the cold.

It was so comforting to be back together, after all this time. So comforting to think that no one else could have brought them the same feeling or the same assurance. At the same time, it was scary. But right now, they could live with that.

"Oh Light," he whispered, holding himself back, not to kiss her now, not to rush her.

"Claire," she answered him. "My name's Claire."

He smiled at that, and as she parted a little from him, to look up at his eyes, she realized how happy he really was that she trusted him enough to tell him now her real name. It felt slightly ironic, that his name was night in latin and that she could brighten his dark blue eyes this way.

"Claire," he said with a smile.

Then he kissed her. Or did she kiss him? Soon, none of them could tell. It was just too good to be back together, after all the questioning, each on their side. In the end, none of them had changed. They rolled in the sand, their hands burning from all the caress that still had to be given, their eyes closed, refusing to let anything else than the other in. The sky wasn't blue enough. The waves weren't pretty enough. The air in their lungs could never be enough. In this world, Noctis knew nothing, but her. And still, he had the impression he was relearning her all over again. She was clutching to him with more strength, and more fear also. She had lived new ordeals. She hadn't been ready to face all of them, but still, she had faced them. And now that he was here with her, she could show her real face. The face of a woman who needed affection and protection too.

And suddenly, all the needs he had kept for himself, all the wants were back. But at the same time, all the love he had kept inside was pouring out. Showering on her through his kisses and his hands and his words and even his eyes. They didn't stop. Even if Lightning feared that he would disappear in the morning. Even if they were out in the open, even if someone –maybe Serah!- could come and spot them and be shocked. For once, Lightning was allowing herself to live in accord with her heart. And though it was scary, it was also really good.

When they quieted down and she lied her head over his chest, as scared and contented as the last time they had been together like that, Lightning thought this was the most realistic dream she'd ever had. And then, she fell asleep, even if she wanted to remain conscious, even if there was so much more to be said between them.

When she woke up in the morning, she got scared, because she was in her bed, and not lying in the sand. She pushed away her sheets and realized she was dressed in her pyjama. So this that mean that Noctis being here was also a dream?

She couldn't believe it. Everything had felt so real this time. Her mind couldn't play tricks this realistic to her. There was a limit to her own imagination. And then, as to comfort her, she heard him:

"I'm really sorry, Light. I'll be back as soon as I can, but as you said yourself, my time here is limited. In the middle of the night, you were shivering and it was too cold outside, so I carried you to your house. It wasn't easy, since I don't really know this town, but the papers you had in your wallet helped me find the address and figure out the rest. I wanted to talk more, but... Guess I'm still not too good with words."

There was a loud screech and then Noctis swore with anger. Lightning realized that this wasn't him talking live. She looked around her and spotted her old tape, which was playing his message.

"Aww, man. You're registering device are so old compared to mines, it's hard to get them to work too!  Anyway, I... I'll be coming back. It will be faster this time. A month or two, no more than that, I swear. I still gotta learn all that you've been through during the last year. And I guess I have a lot to say myself. I left you my diary from the last year. I was writing to you all this time. Then, I decided that I should go see you in person. It was getting stupid, missing you and being too scared to show up. I'm sorry if I startled you. I didn't know how you would react. I'm glad we got to meet. I'm glad nothing has changed in your heart. I'll... I'll always love you, Light. So please, wait for me. I'll get things to work, so that we can see each other more. Maybe I won't have to leave you one day. If you're not agreed, I'd understand. Anyway... I really gotta go before that you wake up and skin me alive for leaving you so soon. Take care, Claire!"

Lightning had to replay the message. Again and again. Until she knew every word of it. She didn't cry. Noctis had been here. Noctis would come back. Noctis loved her and only her. She was sad, somehow, but not for the same reason as before. She sighed. Noctis still loved her. She held his diary to her heart for a moment. She wouldn't read it right away. But she was so happy to know this hadn't been a dream. It was all she could have asked for. She wasn't crazy. She was just in love. With a guy who lived in another world.
But he loved her too. And that was what was really important!

The end...